I Got By With a Little Help From My Friends: The Importance of Relationship-Building

Universal truth number 298: moving sucks. I don’t mean that in the existential, “people hate change and being forced to get rid of things they’ve hoarded” kind of way. I mean it in the “no one wants to sweat for two days in a row hauling boxes back and forth and having muscles that you were unaware existed screaming at you” kind of way. Being that we’ve just passed the first of the month, I have an inkling that more than a few of you can commiserate.

I just moved into my new residence yesterday, and anyone who’s assailed their ears in the last few weeks to listen to my plight will know that some higher being REALLY just didn’t want me to leave. From having to spend 40 minutes dismantling my Ikea bed so that it could fit through the hallway (and severely compromising the sturdiness of the thing in the process) to finding the elevator broken the morning of, move out was less than ideal. The first UHaul place called me the day before to tell me I couldn’t have my truck for as long as I needed it because apparently the word “confirmation” means “processing request.” And I had to do most of the moving myself, meaning everything took about three hours longer than it should have. My legs and arms are now covered with enough bruises from trying to hold doors open with my hands full to raise suspicion of trampling. It was the Murphy’s Law of move-outs.

The parts that were easiest? The brief parts for which I DID have assistance. Maggie and Jess were philanthropic enough to spend an hour sweating in my 8th floor, un-AC’d apartment using a pair of needle nose pliers to pull the screws out of my headboard. I was homeless for a night, and my dear friend Terri let me crash at her place while also lending me her fridge for my perishables. And moving in to my new place only took an hour because my dad came to help me unload. After I had complained to him about the nightmare that was moving out, he said to me, “But you have to do it by yourself first, because it’s only then do you realize how valuable it is to have help.”

…I hate it when my dad’s right.

People prize independence. Being able to “go it alone” and ride out on your own competencies is seen as an accomplishment. But having a few extra hands can go a long way, and the first place to start is in building and cultivating relationships. The people who willingly helped me schlep boxes and furniture back and forth using the world’s slowest moving elevator were my coworkers, with whom I’ve become close with over the course of this summer. Your relationships are your most valuable resource, and they shouldn’t be discarded just because their value cannot be quantitatively measured.

The question is: how do we begin to establish and foster relationships? If people are such an important asset, how is it that we get them on our side?

Part of the reason people are reluctant to meet new people is because they don’t know where to start. Don’t make it more complicated than it has to be. If you’re at work, make small talk in the elevator. Say hi to the people you pass as you’re walking down the hall. Invite people on coffee runs, lunch breaks, or just try and catch them on the way out of a meeting. People like to talk about themselves, so it can be as simple as asking, “How is your day going?” You don’t have to be a professional pick-up artist. You’re not asking them on a date. (If I’m wrong and you are, check with HR on your interoffice relationship policy.)

Relationships are like karma. There will always be an equal balance of give and take, and try and keep that in mind when starting to build your social network. You’re not networking for your own personal benefit, although the help they can provide you is a pleasant side effect. You want to enter into a mutual agreement to help and be helped, and you should help without the promise of gain. Starting to build relationships without the urgency of need ensures that you’ll have a cadre of compadres when it is you may need them. Mike always uses the metaphor of fire prevention–you don’t begin teaching people the escape routes during the actual fire. Make friends first. It’ll pay you back later, and you will pay them back in kind.

We learned a lot when we were young, and making friends was an important lesson. Having people to support and assist you can go a long way, and the reverse is also true. Helping others can be just as rewarding as receiving help yourself. Just say hi. Maybe someday you’ll be helping each other move.

In the meantime, I have to go find a nice steak place to take out my movers. Once bed deconstruction was involved, I had to upgrade them from Burger King.

To our readers: what is so valuable about your relationships?