How Much Is That Doggy in the Frat House: Making Social Time

Our home was almost converted into a pet rescue shelter a few days ago.

It came to our friends’ attention via their landlord that they would not be able to keep the house puppy they had all held so dear. All pets needed to be previously approved by the landlord, and he was already unhappy about the “fratty” condition of the place. The shaggy white canine was the last straw. Who would give the poor creature a good home? As soon as my roommates and I got wind of the news, we made it our mission to do just that.

We considered kidnapping him. After musing whether our own landlord would let us have pets, my roommate suggested we disguise him as a goldfish so our transgression wouldn’t be immediately apparent. First, though, we had to get permission from our roommates (there’s a clear hierarchy here–roommates, then landlord). One phone call to the campus editor of the Daily Northwestern, one of our other housemates, and our answer was clear.

“This is not a joke, you know. It’s not like a toy that we can play with. Dogs are expensive. Who’s going to feed it? Walk it? Take it to the vet? I’m not going to be home. Who’s going to be home with it? We all have our lives. Do you know how irresponsible it is to adopt a dog that you can’t take care of, that you have to leave by itself in the house? THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. YOU ARE NOT TAKING THEIR DOG. DO NOT TELL THEM THAT WE ARE TAKING THEIR DOG.”

And that was that. We would not be rescuing any dogs anytime soon. As nice as it would’ve been to have a little ball of white fluff roaming around the house, she was right–the dog would need attention, and as a group of overcommitted overachievers (with a hard-and-fast dedication to naptime and Jersey Shore) the creature would not receive the frequency of adoration it’d need.

Now, the people in our lives don’t necessarily need the same love and playtime as a puppy does. But we often fail to realize that they still need a certain level of attention, especially because they don’t outwardly demand it with pleading eyes and a wagging tail. In times of work stress, our social commitments are the first to be dropped in lieu of obligation. It’s seen as somewhat irresponsible to be socializing when there’s work to be done. We take for granted that our friends and family will “understand” that we have to award them a certain level of neglect, but getting into the habit of dropping relationship time for work can be detrimental to the people you care about.

The question is: how do we make time for our relationships? How do we make sure that our relationships are not getting lost for our obligations?

As unnecessary as it may sound, you may have to schedule out socialization time if your schedule gets too busy. Write it down in your planner, your Google calendar, wherever it is that you keep your commitments. If it helps, make it a routine meeting–set aside a certain time every Saturday or whatever it may be to grab coffee with someone. I was once told a story about an employee of a consulting firm who took the time every day to have a three-minute conversation with her grandfather, with whom she was very close. No matter where she was–in a meeting, working on a project–she would step out briefly to have her conversation. In making it a habit, she rarely if ever shirked this commitment.

Saying “make time” is easier said than done. The harder part is honoring your commitments. If you find you’re more likely to cancel your social engagements after a long day at work, schedule these engagements for the morning or during a lunch hour so you’re more likely to honor them. Remember that the time you set aside for your relationships is not meant to be a burden; you’re meeting with the people you care about because it’s enjoyable to you and because they want to hear about your life as much as you want to hear about theirs. Studies have shown that people who socialize have a longer life span. Socialization is a matter of life or death. Don’t cut your span short.

All joking aside, your relationships need your attention. Good relationships need to be cultivated, not simply formed. Schedule your social engagements at times when you won’t find excuses to back out, and record them in a way where you’ll remember that you have time blocked out for them. Those you care for will understand if you cannot make time for them, but failing to do so continually will harm your relationships, and it’s important to keep that in mind.

As cute as that puppy is, maybe it’s a good thing we’re not inheriting him after all. Not only would we not have time for him–I’m told he believes his owners’ lunches were actually made for him. That’s worth ending a relationship for.

To our readers: how do you make time for your personal relationships?