An Introvert’s Dilemma
ByThis past weekend I attended my boyfriend’s holiday work party. It is a relatively new job, so I didn’t know many of his colleagues. It was a night full of “Nice to meet you too” and then the dreaded … awkward pause… Crickets Chirping
Awkward right? Especially for me. I am a serious introvert. I learn and take in information about my environment by taking a step back and observing and reflecting. Unfortunately, there is not a lot of time for stepping back and observing when I am in a bar with 50 other people who want to strike up a conversation.
Now don’t get me wrong, I like people and I have great interpersonal skills. However, the uncomfortableness that I feel can be a disadvantage. Take for example, my job. In the business world you have to network. It is just a fact. But here is another fact. I HATE networking. It is too in the moment and in your face. To be successful in my career I know this is something I need to work on.
Question: How can an introvert learn to function in a world full of extroverts?
After a little bit of research and a few conversations with a few of my more extroverted friends, here is what I came up with.
1) Be aware of what situations make you feel most uncomfortable. Is it when you’re meeting new people? Is it when you’re with larger groups of people or smaller groups of people? By becoming aware of what makes you squirm, you can begin to focus your energy on situations that you don’t find too horrible, build your confidence and work your way up.
2) Identify your friends who are extroverts. Can they accompany you to an event and act as a buffer? Observe the way they interact with people and pick one or two things to emulate. Just don’t use your friend as a crutch and let them do all the talking.
3) Learn to ask questions. Sometimes my feelings of awkwardness come from not knowing what to say next. Have one or two questions that you know you can ask anyone. My new favorite question is “What’s your life story.” It is so broad and humorous, at first, that it makes for the perfect ice breaker. If that seems a little intimidating, ask about plans for the weekend and try to find a common activity to talk about.
4) Be prepared to share something about yourself. This may be the hardest for some people. Know that conversations are two way streets. You may be adept at taking the focus of the conversation off of you, but sharing something personal about yourself builds trust and will make you more memorable in the eyes of the other person.
Hopefully, by following my own advice I will be ready for next year’s holiday party. Bring it on new people! I’m ready for you!
Thanks for additional advice Arthur! It always helps to be prepared, especially mentally prepared for these types of events.
Being prepared for these moments is imperative. There will be a few times when networking opportunities will arise unexpectedly; however, in most occasions, you will have ample time to prepare for conversations.
Which topics are appropriate for the event? What commonalities am I likely to find among those in attendance? How long do I plan to be there, or even more importantly, how long do I have to talk to these new friends and colleagues?
Having a few “Go To” conversation pieces/questions will become invaluable to you in the networking world.
Consider looking at introversion vs. extroversion in terms of energy: Introverts recharge by being alone and reflective, while extroverts recharge their batteries by being in social situations, by being vocal – in the outside world. Both can be the vivacious person at the party dancing with the lampshide on their head; the differnce is that the extrovert’s batteries are rechaged by this experience, while the introvert’s battery is drained by the same experience. The introvert will have to recharge afterwords. So, when you have to function in the outside world, recharge your batteries first and plan ahead for time to get some alone time afterwords Know, also, that when interacting with extroverts in an extroverted activity, that they are actually getting a charge out of it. Have you ever asked yourself how a particular person can be so excited about a topic that you find boring or uncomfortable? Consider now that what you may really be seeing is someone excited about getting a rush of energy and not necessarily the topic of discussion at hand.
You are so right Rick. Sometimes I think there is a misconception about the difference between an extrovert and an introvert. I’ve heard several times before that people don’t believe that I consider myself an introvert, because I am not one to hold back on my opinions, but it is a very draining activity for me.