Why Don’t You and I Combine: The Rise of Peerenting in the Workplace

A recent article in the New York Times claims that we are not necessarily smarter than monkeys. Rather, it hails our ability to be social creatures as the reason we are as successful as we are–that, and the advent of weapons, giving less credence to the platitude “guns don’t kill people, people kill people.” Kim Hill, a social anthropologist at Arizona State University, mentions that “[our big brains] are not the reason we can build rocket ships–no individual can. We have rockets because 10,000 individuals cooperate in producing the information.”

The Millennials, above all other generations, seem to understand this need to be social. Usually it manifests itself in a larger cooperative effort and the desire to be more than just coworkers with the people they work with. As a result, older generations are taking notice. We can see this phenomenon outside the workplace in the form of “peerenting,” where parents try to be friends first and authority figures second. At best, kids get an adult to confide in; at worst, they get an adult who uses outdated slang, misused pop culture references, and attempts to Dougie in their kitchen. (If you don’t know what “dougie-ing” is, consider yourself blessed.)

The “peerenting”-esque tendency is appearing within the workplace as well, with bosses and higher-ups trying to appeal to their younger employees by being friends with them first. In recent years there is less of an age gap between those in managerial positions and those below, and so the line between authority and subordinate is further blurred. Coworkers find they can socialize and bond with their peers. And with “fit” being a huge emphasis for Millennials when looking for employment, employers are looking to become as accommodating as possible, even if it means sacrificing an appearance of power to be buddy-buddy with the new hires.

What does this mean for the workplace? If prospective and current employees prefer a group of individuals to share happy hour with over a group of individuals responsible for checks and balances, what does this actually mean for authority figures? It may be true that their requests may be better received, but it’s also possible that their requests won’t be taken seriously. If individuals believe that their bosses are their friends, they may feel less obligated to follow through on tasks, believing their excuses will be “understood.” Bosses may feel taken advantage of and get the sense that they cannot demand things from their coworkers because of how it may affect them personally. Relationship boundaries become entangled, and no one knows what they can ask of others, or what can be asked of them.

Still, it’s hard to condemn coworkers for seeking personal relationships with their peers. How can you say no to making friends? It’s not as though work stops getting done; in fact, when people get along, teamwork can run more smoothly. From a collaborative perspective, increased socialization is a great push for productivity. From a hierarchical perspective, however, this decentralized approach can hurt a powerful ingroup if not properly harnessed.

So how can you find a balance? Is it better to remain purely professional in the workplace and leave your friendships for outside the office? Or should you try and create an environment that fosters personal relationships between higher-ups and subordinates? What are professionals to do, when the kids want mom and dad to play nice rather than force them into eating their vegetables? In short, how far can this peerenting trend be carried?

What do you think?