Archive for Danielle
Learning with the Stars: The Oscars and Lessons in Partnership
Posted by: | CommentsIn an effort to appeal to a younger demographic–and to appear completely self-aware–the 83rd annual Academy Awards were hosted by none other than actors James Franco and Anne Hathaway this past Sunday night. For our readers who have been living under a rock, Franco was the actor who got his hand jammed by one in the film “127 Hours,” and Hathaway earned a crown full of them in her debut feature, “The Princess Diaries.” For the second time ever, the event was being cohosted, and the Academy no doubt assumed that the two attractive individuals would play well off of one another.
In case you missed it, they didn’t. Speculation abound as to Franco’s drug of choice, Hathaway, being the Type A personality that she is, had to compensate for the two of them. Correction: overcompensate. What viewers saw was a faraway look in Franco’s eye and a desperate look in Hathaway’s. She gestured wildly; he rarely, if ever, moved his hands from where they rested in front of him. It was clear to anyone that he was barely there and she felt the added responsibility of his “social loafing.” (Euphemisms abound.)
Jessica recently wrote about what the Oscars can teach you about life, and there is a lesson to be learned from this incident as well. What did Anne Hathaway and James Franco teach us, aside from the importance of several costume changes and a winning smile to the success of the Academy Awards?
Just as there are two hosts, there are two lessons. One is the importance of face value. Despite your best intentions, if people can’t tell that you care about your work, they will assume that you don’t. At this point, it doesn’t matter whether or not Franco was on something during his performance–what matters is that people believe he was, and as such he’s lost credibility. Perception is often reality. If you don’t give the impression that you value your work, your clients, whatever it may be, people will take notice. Make an active effort to show you care, or people will speculate to the contrary. Your actions are all people have to go on, and they should speak for themselves.
The second is learning to work with individuals with wildly different personalities. When working in teams, you’re not always going to be paired with people that think or act as you do. The first step is identifying that a difference exists. This can be done through various personality assessments and self-reflection exercises that teach you more about how you operate. From there you can compare results with your team members to ascertain how they too operate and what the best way to work together would be. Franco and Hathaway clearly work completely differently, and these differences didn’t seem to be reconciled before they both met on stage–he was content to fade out, and she ended up vying for most of the attention. They lacked on-screen chemistry. Make sure your team knows how to work with one another, because organizational chemistry is just as important.
Were they still entertaining as cohosts? Sure. But had James been somewhat aware of his surroundings and had Anne learned to tone it down, the whole affair may have been a bit more enjoyable. Showing you care and learning to play well with others are crucial components to the success of any partnership.
Next on the docket: how pregnant was Natalie Portman? Am I right or am I right?
To our readers: what did you learn from the Oscars?
Keep Your Bear on a Leash: Understanding Different Cultures
Posted by: | CommentsWill you be taking a trip to Bulgaria in the next little bit of time? If someone asks you to eat something questionable, it’s best you not shake your head. Nodding means no in this Eastern European country. Decided to fly to Thailand instead? Take your shoes off, and don’t touch anyone’s head. It is considered an insult of the highest order. Trying to woo a Parisian sweetheart? Flowers must be given in odd numbers, but not 13, because that’s considered unlucky. You could’ve missed out on love near the Louvre had you not done your research.
Life for animals under inexplicable customs is even more difficult. If you are a frog, you should know better than to croak after 11PM in Memphis, Tennessee. As a pigeon in Mobile, Alabama, don’t expect to get off scot-free if you begin eating pebbles from composite roofs. And unfortunately, should you fail to find a companion for date night, you cannot bring your lion to the movies in Baltimore. Just think of how many mishaps have been prevented since the enactment of that ordinance; there is no way that human patrons would be able to see the screen through a mane.
Yes, they all seem a bit out of the ordinary, but rules are rules. Think about if you were to walk into any of these locations without being aware of these customs–you would either have wholly offended another individual, or else be carted out in handcuffs. But enough about “The Hangover.” It’s important to understand both the company and local culture before attempting to advise an organization so as to demonstrate that you’ve done your research and so as to avoid offending anyone. How can you expect to build a working relationship with a client if you haven’t taken the time to understand them?
Here are some great resources for learning more about international business cultures:
- The Kiss, Bow, or Shake Hands series by Terri Morrison and Wayne Conaway
- WorldBusinessCulture
- Executive Planet
As far as internal cultures go, the 360 assessment process is a very effective way to get a feel for how people interact with one another and how that affects the “feel” of the business. Social network analysis is another up-and-coming methodology of figuring out who spends time with whom, and how internal hierarchy can determine social interactions in the office, whether it coincides with the structure or rebels against it. Analysts can get a sense of how many “links” people have within a network, i.e. how many people report to them, spend time with them, and vice versa. This gives a solid social map of the company, and can give you a better idea of how the organization actually ticks.
All individuals and environments are different, and you have to become familiar with them before you can figure out how best to dole out advice. There are resources abound for getting a sense of local and organizational culture, a facet of businesses that is often overlooked or mitigated. This is a crucial piece to being heard, and more importantly, being listened to.
Final tip: the next time you’re traveling on business with your moose in tow, be sure not to shove him out of the moving aircraft over Alaska, as it can net you jail time. Wait until you’re in Thailand; just make sure you take your shoes off first.
To our readers: what do you think is the best way to learn about foreign cultures?
All You Need is Love: Personal Touches and Professional Relationships
Posted by: | CommentsValentine’s day. The time for romantics and their counterparts, cynics. The time for overpriced chocolates and the impossibility of the restaurant reservation. And the time for the doorstep cheesecake ambush.
Let me rewind. My roommates and I were out to dinner Sunday night and came home to find a cheesecake sampler sitting outside our front door. Naturally we took it in without even questioning whether it had been anthraxed. After some amateur detective work, we discovered that the boy that my one of my roommates had started seeing had left us an early Valentine’s gift. The beauty of the newness of the relationship was that he was still working to win her friends over, and as such she was forced to share her cheesecake with us. We had reaped the benefits of her exchange without putting in the necessary labor. (Romance…so economical.)
It was simple and unassuming, a very classy touch. We ooohed and awwed in our foyer for an appropriate amount of time before beginning to stake out our pieces. Even a tapas dinner that lasted for two and a half hours didn’t stop us from considering when we’d be hungry again to dive in to our present.
Our appetites are not what is of note here; it is rather the value of a personal touch. The beginning of a relationship presents a world of possibilities. Each moment is make-or-break as both parties begin to form initial impressions of one another. I’m not simply referring to the blossoming of college affections but also to that of corporate relations. As you begin navigating the initial stages of your client relationships, it’s important to keep in mind how crucial every move you make is to the future of the relationship. Kind of makes going on a first date seem less daunting, doesn’t it?
So how do we go about establishing a good image for ourselves? How do we make the most of those first impressions to create a successful professional relationship?
What most people fail to realize is that your presence is around long before you receive a phone call or shake a hand. Your reputation precedes you, in essence, and it’s important to establish a good one. This involves paying attention to online branding, whether it be through website content or employee LinkedIn pages, to name a few. Ask for client referrals to put on your website, and ask for recommendations for your professional networking pages. Anything that gets the word out about the success of your past work is definitely lucrative for establishing a positive image, as this is how you secure your clients to begin with.
When it comes time for the initial meet-and-greet, make sure to have done your homework beforehand. Try to learn as much as you can about the person you will be speaking with and the company that they work for. This will not only give you a base from which to begin, but it will also demonstrate to the person that you care enough to take the time to learn about them. We are our favorite subjects, despite how much we may argue to the contrary. It will do you well to ask more questions than tout your accomplishments. People are more interested in your level of interest. Your experience, although important, is often supplementary to your ability to listen to and be engaged in your client’s needs.
Above all, be classy. Be personal. Be gracious. Written thank-you notes have an understated caché, and sending them as a sign of gratitude for having an initial meeting is always an elegant touch. There isn’t that much difference between that which is expected in the beginning of a romantic relationship and that which you foster with your clients. If you keep that in mind, you should have no problem navigating the often treacherous beginning stages.
Those of us without Valentines to place surprise sweets on our front steps can take solace in the one thing that may be better than the holiday itself: half-priced chocolates the day after.
To our readers: what do you find is a nice touch when establishing a relationship with a new client?
Brothel Laws and Town Hall Flaws: Taking a Beat
Posted by: | CommentsThe town hall meeting. In the olden days, this used to be a forum for individuals to voice their concerns about their community, and then usually ended up being an excuse for all the men to convene in a local pub afterwards to share whiskey and cigars. A week ago Northwestern University held a similar event in light of recent crackdown on the “no three unrelated individuals living together” ordinance in Evanston, affectionately termed the brothel law. People were somewhat incensed before the meeting was held, and a whole host of Facebook statuses previewed the raucous tone that would inevitably surface at this gathering. My friends and I showed up to the meeting for pure entertainment purposes. After all, Jerry Springer was a Northwestern alum; we hoped we were in for a similar circus.
We were not disappointed. What the administration hoped would be somewhat of a sound discussion regarding the ordinance turned into a free-for-all. Students were yelling, gesturing wildly, shouting words of encouragement at each other and words of deprecation at the people in charge. The poor alderman that they had invited to inform us about the law became the proverbial carrion for the audience of verbal vultures; they tore the man apart without taking heed to the fact that he had no authority to change the law. While it was inspiring to see so many individuals gather and fight for something that they thought was unjust, it was handled incredibly poorly on both sides. Neither the administration nor the alderman had the power to make any changes, and so the forum to “voice our concerns” turned into an unprecedented attack on the messengers.
So what ended up happening? Our president, Morty Schapiro, had been away on business all weekend and returned to find several emails with the subject line “brothel” on his Blackberry; he was quoted as assuming that a bordello had popped up on south campus. He soon responded that the university wouldn’t stand for it, and the entire screaming match was mitigated. That was it. I could only assume that those individuals who got their thirty seconds of fame from their soapboxes felt as though their efforts would have been better expended at the whiskey-and-cigars portion of the town hall meeting. Alas. The world may never know.
Patience is a virtue that most people fail to exercise. When smart phones deliver your emails instantaneously, you’re expected to respond instantaneously. That which is new news will be old news within five minutes. Life has become a race to not only stay on top of the clock, but to beat it. With this time pressure, it becomes increasingly difficult to slow down. But had these five hundred some individuals just taken a beat, they could have conserved a lot of energy and still reaped the same result. It is true that some issues need to be tackled right away, but sometimes, it is time that resolves problems most effectively.
The question is: why is it important to take a beat? What is the benefit in slowing down, if only slightly, to see successful results?
For one, taking a beat can allow you the ability to see if the outlet you’re using to solve your problems is the most effective one. Had the angry off-campus residents taken a step back, they would have realized that shouting at the dean of student affairs wasn’t going to get the law repealed. By the same token, the administration should have directed the residents to the city meeting, where their voices could more effectively be taken into consideration. What resulted was resounding frustration on both parts, and it took an hour and a half for both parties to realize that they were both angry and stagnated. Take the time to consider alternative paths to your solution. Play devil’s advocate to your own answers. Sleep on decisions. There should be a pause, brief or no, between deciding and acting, and it’s important to use that pause wisely.
How do you identify if time is the best solution to your problem? If you find you can’t settle on a desirable outcome yourself or with other team members, it’s often worth it to table the issue and revisit it later. Your brain actually processes a lot subconsciously when you are not actively thinking about an issue, and giving your brain the downtime it needs to process can help you land on effective decisions without having to actively consider the problem at hand. If you find, too, that people are generally heated about the issue, taking a beat allows for emotions to dissipate and gives everyone a chance to approach the problem level-headedly. Spending a lot of time yelling at one another is unproductive and exhausting. Walk away, destress, and pick a time in the future to handle the problem.
You’ll find sometimes taking time to not solve a problem will help you weed out what actually deserves your attention and what can resolve itself. It’s easy to jump to tackle issues as they enter your periphery, but you may waste time making mountains out of molehills. Breathe. Take a beat. Reboot. Chances are, you’ll reduce the number of issues that call for an immediate solution, and you can expend your energy on those problems that are truly worth your time.
When all else fails, call Morty Schapiro. He can probably take care of it.
To our readers: when has letting an issue go actually been beneficial to the resolution of your problem?
Easy As 1-2-3: Escaping the Numbers Trap
Posted by: | CommentsYou have been a slave to a ubiquitous entity all your life, and you’re probably not even aware of it. Yes, that’s right. Numbers have dictated every part of your existence since the moment you were conceived. When you were old enough to spread your fingers your parents would count off the digits that would become an integral part of the rest of your life. If only someone would have warned you.
Sesame Street’s The Count teaches you how the number system works. From there you enter school and are given a numerical ranking based on your grade point average and class percent. The school will in turn be given a set amount of money based on their reaching of a quota. Standardized test scores, salaries, the stock market–getting the right numbers at the front end ensure that you will continue to get desirable numbers as time rolls on.
How long will it take? we ask. How many does he have? we posit. Our constant need to assess quantity even manifests itself in our popular culture. Three Dog Night sings about how one is the loneliest number and Lou Bega (remember him?) counts off the seven girls–eight, if you include yourself–that he is enamored with in the one-hit wonder “Mambo No. 5.” One is busy flying over the cuckoo’s nest while Agatha Christie’s “Ten Little Indians” are whittled down to the book’s alternate title, “And Then There Were None.” Even classic literature is inundated with numbers. What a catch-22.
If no one’s told you, we’re in the middle of an economic downturn. Life has become a constant numbers game: budgets, deficits, cuts, percent unemployment. It’s currently making an already bleak winter all the more so, making the Charlie Browns even Charlie Brownier. This is not a time to take risk on something that won’t visibly pay off. How do we assess this? Numerically. The safest way to figure out if something is “worthwhile” is by crunching the numbers. Wrapping our head around something more qualitative and conceptual is not something we want to bank on when quantitative measurement seems much more reliable.
In shirking on quality in order to make our decisions add up, however, we may end up costing ourselves more time and money: maybe right away, or maybe down the road. If we look at training, for example, taking the time and effort (and perhaps money) at the front end prevents an organization from having to retrain their employees, or worse, compensate for an incomplete training. If you’re paying for training at all, shouldn’t you make sure it’s actually worthwhile rather than doing it to appease the HR powers that be?
This isn’t to say that all valuable work is expensive. But think twice before you balk at a price tag that seems out of your range. What is it that you’re actually getting when you pull out your checkbook? Quantity is not independent from quality. Deliverables for organizational development don’t follow a simple input-output model, and this is why it is difficult for prospective clients not to view pricing as an arbitrary assignment. Take the time to assess what quality you’re receiving before you make a move to turn a proposal down because it immediately appears too steep. And while from a numbers perspective strategy and operations may seem the most important thing to salvage during a downturn, neglecting your people could hurt your numbers more than you anticipate. As Zig Ziglar says, “the only thing worse than training people and losing them is not training them and keeping them.” Quantity does not make up for quality.
Make a move toward liberating yourself from this unyielding focus on the numbers by focusing instead on quality. If you still can’t move away from measuring success numerically, then assure yourself that making quality decisions will, in fact, pay off quantitatively (among other ways). Suspend your stress about short-term, tangible payoffs, and you’ll actually get the most out of your investments. Count on it.
Rushed: Honoring Our Commitments
Posted by: | Comments1:15AM. 1:30AM. 2:30AM. 3:15AM. This series of hours is not, as you might believe, times for the late showing of Rocky Horror. Au contrare. These would be the approximate arrival times (in no particular order) of my sorority rush-bound roommates over the past four days. As it were, I haven’t actually seen them enter my home at any of these times so much as I’ve heard the stray curse word or two from outside my closed bedroom door. It’s indicative of how much fun they’re having, spending every waking moment schmoozing with prospective sisters.
Only part of that was true.
In reality, the wear-and-tear from being stuck in their sorority houses for six days straight ranges from mild exhaustion to burnout. My more optimistic roommate says that while it is tiring, she’s had the opportunity to make better friends with the sophomore pledge class. Heartwarming. On the other hand, my upstairs roommate would probably rather hack her hand off than use it to shake another girl’s. Regardless of how they feel about it, however, they obediently trudge out the door every day, 4:30PM, 11AM, and do their duty for their house–coffee in hand, end in sight, and hopefully a large drink to greet them on Tuesday night.
Why would you do this to yourself? I’d ask. Because we have no choice, would be the resounding answer, minus a because I must be incredibly masochistic. For the last four days they have eschewed friends, work, and any non-Greek activity for the sake of recruitment. Backing out or finding some excuse to avoid going through the process would neither function nor fare them well. So they don’t. Despite how much they would rather be scaling back this all-consuming activity, they understand that they made a commitment, and now comes the time to honor it.
Honoring our commitments is difficult. There will always be a host of other things that we would rather be doing at any given time, as we don’t make a commitment to our TV to sit in front of it. But if we want to gain credibility and show our alliance to a person or group–or ourselves–we have to pay our dues through our obligations. It’s one of the commandments of business, or should be. Thou shalt honor thy commitments. How can you argue when it sounds so official?
The question is: how do we make sure to honor our commitments?
Life coach Tom Volkar has written an insightful entry about making good on our obligations. He points out that the two things necessary for following through are post decision making skills leading up to the commitment and having an effective process to realize it. “A commitment,” he says, “is only as strong as the decision that preceded it and the process that develops it.” Without either of those pieces, it becomes easy to falter and make excuses to back out. And commitments are not just obligations that you have to others; making and holding commitments to yourself are just as important if not more so. In respecting your own goals, you need to hold yourself to the same level of responsibility as you would were the commitment to another individual.
Volkar includes a three-step process for honoring commitment. First, we must make a strong and inspired decision. Believing that an investment of time and attention will ultimately pay off is the way to make our decision binding. We must then understand the downside of failing to follow through. What are the clear consequences of not doing what it is we say we will? And finally, make sure that from the outset that you can see a successful outcome from your commitment. If this means breaking a larger commitment down into milestones and quick wins, then you should orchestrate checkpoints so as to show you your success. Writing down your commitments, scheduling them in, and keeping them a frequent part of your attention will all help to ascertain a successful outcome. If you know that this commitment will be beneficial to you, you will be more likely to honor it, however it is you must go about constructing success.
The simple secret, he says, is to commit in full conscious understanding both the value of the commitment and the consequences you will reap should it be dishonored. Whether it is as straightforward as a dinner date with your colleagues or as long-standing as a new fitness regime, think carefully before you commit, and think even harder before you back out. Certain expectations are placed on you, whether by yourself or others, and in honoring your commitments you will be held in high esteem.
I guess rush is the small price my roommates pay for formals at the Swissotel. Still, the house is pretty empty…I wish they would commit to keeping me company instead…
To our readers: what have you found is the best way to honor your commitments? What are the biggest obstacles to doing so?
A New Kind of Driving Lesson: Learning to Learn
Posted by: | CommentsIt has come the time for Chicagoans to begin their (often six-month) journey in a winter wonderland; one glance outside the windows mirrors the view from inside a snow globe. The Bears have sadly failed to traverse that path last night. I, too, have learned a thing or two recently about traveling in the snow, although my failure to do so fortunately didn’t bring my city shame.
Errands had to be run this weekend, and the snowstorm couldn’t act as a “get-out-of-CVS” free card. As I took the car keys from the hook, my mother turned around and gave me the obligatory admonition. “Be careful driving,” she said. “You know, cause the roads aren’t all paved and my car doesn’t handle as well as your dad’s, so just make sure you’re going slower and paying closer attention.”
Belligerent a child as I am, I responded, “I’m fine, I know. I’ve driven for like six winters now. Obviously I’ll be careful, okay? I’m not STUPID.” (Sixteen-year-old Danielle would be so proud.)
And I was careful, at first. But once I began to get more comfortable, my caution began to wane. Impatience, another one of my virtues, started to override my need to drive with care and I sped up. Flash forward to Danielle hydroplaning as she attempts to make a left turn, trying to channel her driving instructor from those six winters ago, and all she could remember was “grip the steering wheel firmly.” Everything ended up being fine. The only thing that was injured was my pride.
Much like Aesop’s fables, my life seems to be a series of morals. This one? Sometimes, you have to be able to admit that you don’t know best. The real world doesn’t involve formal, age-divided levels of training wherein you can tell who actually knows more than the other. In the corporate world, the same position can be held by people from many different levels of instruction. Some may be older than others; some may have worked in several more places than others. Learning that you can have things to learn is a skill that most may find difficult, especially in a competitive environment in which your accomplishments have to outshine your shortcomings.
The question is: how do we become comfortable with admitting we need to learn?
The first step to fixing your problem is admitting you have one, as every twelve-step program has taught us. This may honestly be the most difficult step in this process. Recognizing a need to listen and learn is difficult to overcome in an environment akin to a consultancy, when you are demanded to know how to solve a business’s problems after half an hour with the CEO. The expectation is that you will know just as much about their corporation as they do; while you will hopefully know enough to start formulating what you believe the issue to be, you may need more information before coming up with a solution. Asking for information here is not a sign of weakness. They know that their years’ experience beat your hours, and reaching out to learn a bit more about the problem at hand shows that you pay homage to their knowledge.
Once you view it as a tactic to work in your favor, not against you, humbling yourself should be a less difficult undertaking. Just like driving, understanding your need to learn takes practice. Your gut reaction may be to respond “I know” or “right” when given information; instead of continuing with this knee-jerk response, teach yourself to ask questions. This shows that you’re not only thinking about the information that you’re being given, but you’re interested in hearing more. Asking good questions can actually help you seem more intelligent and engaged than passing off information as passe. Keep this in mind.
Part of working a job–and living–is learning, from your mistakes and from others. If you knew it all, you could publish a book and retire early. And if you haven’t done so already, I deserve royalties to alerting you toward the possibility–in true Catch-22 fashion, I would’ve alerted you to something you hadn’t thought of. Reframe learning as a facet of strength, not of personal weakness. It’s a mark of an individual with an open mind and an inquisitive nature.
Six winters ago, I would’ve thought this was preposterous. Isn’t it a good thing I’ve learned something since then?
To our readers: what is the hardest thing about admitting you don’t know it all?
Single vs Multi-Source Performance Appraisals
Posted by: | CommentsEveryone has had one of those performance appraisals that neither the manager nor the employee wanted to have. The company thinks that performance appraisals are a good idea for many reasons but doesn’t disseminate them to the rest of the organization. The company doesn’t train the managers on how to conduct appraisals either. Wouldn’t it be nice if appraisals were something employees and managers didn’t dread? There are several types of performance appraisals out there. Each has its strengths and weaknesses.
The question is: Which type of performance appraisal should your organization use?
There are two distinct approaches to performance appraisals: single source and multi-source. Both approaches have strengths and weaknesses. Single source appraisal systems are less time consuming than multi-source. The appraisal only has to have the input of one person i.e., the manager.
The single source approach can be especially useful with a manager who has a lot of observation time with his/her subordinates and in more bureaucratic organizations. It also has the benefit of the manager knowing the job. The manager already supervises the subordinate and therefore should have information on the subordinate’s performance. The manager also generally helps to determine goals with the subordinate. It has a natural flow from top to bottom of the hierarchy. It is accepted that supervisors rate subordinates. All of these benefits of single source make it a popular approach to performance appraisal.
The downside of single source deals with the lack of variety in input. Because the manager is the only input for the appraisal, it can lead to skewed and incorrect information. The manager may not know every aspect of the job and may attribute more power to inconsequential tasks than larger more important tasks. This misattribution can lead to skewed ratings and other types of bias. Sometimes the manager is not even in the same location. This lack of contact and observation can make it difficult for the manager to accurately rate the subordinate’s performance.
Multi-source appraisal systems were originally developed due to the constant dissatisfaction with performance appraisals. They have many benefits but are not the best option for all organizations. Multi-source appraisals help counteract the problem single source appraisals have with limited single perception input. More input creates a more well rounded picture for the employee.
Managers may not always have a clear understanding of all aspects of a job. With multiple sources of information, a better understanding of the job is created. Peers and customers of the employee will be more likely to rate the employee accurately when the appraisal strives for anonymity. Since these appraisals will not directly affect the employee’s pay, peers can be more accurate with no fear of consequence.
The downside of multi-source appraisals is the utility in all organizations. In very bureaucratic organizations employees and managers would not be comfortable with using multi-source appraisals. This appraisal does not follow the natural flow of highly bureaucratic organizations. Some employees may not feel comfortable with evaluating their peers and supervisors.
The important take away is that the type of performance appraisal chosen depends on the organization in question. Each type is better suited to a different organization. The best choice for your organization may not be the same for another organization. In essence, choose the appraisal that suits your organization and don’t choose one just because it is quoted to be “the best.”
Maggie the Modest: Being Comfortable with Self-Promotion
Posted by: | CommentsWe all have our strengths. If you have any doubts about your own, there are a barrage of assessments that you can take to ascertain what they are. Some of us are good at teamwork; others, individuality. Still others are naturally good at remembering things when their counterparts are better at keeping records so they don’t forget. Maggie, my dear coworker, is good at being modest…which, surprisingly enough, ended up being a problem at a recent lunch.
“Maggie, you’re going to have to tell people the things you’re good at, you know,” Mike told her. We were discussing interview processes and the ability to tout oneself (that’s not inappropriate–expand your vernacular). “You can’t be so quick to diffuse praise when someone tells you you’ve done a job well,” he continued, “and moreover, you have to be ready to tell them what it is you did well.”
“I just don’t see the point,” she replied. “First of all, I wasn’t the only one to do the job well, so everyone else should get credit too. And why should I resort to bragging? Can’t my work speak for itself?”
I turned my eyes away from the NASCAR race on the TV in my direct line of vision to pay closer attention. After realizing that the Peter Pan school of thought wasn’t going to pay the bills post-graduation, I had begun the party that was fall recruitment for full time positions. This was a question that I had also wondered about, especially with regards to the interview process. What was superfluous in self-promotion, and what was necessary?
“You’re going to get lost if you don’t speak up, especially at a professional services firm where your accomplishments determine what projects you get placed on,” Mike continued. “I understand you’re uncomfortable with speaking up about yourself, but to get where you want to go…” He trailed off, and Maggie held tight to her stance. “I get what you’re saying. And I get that it’s important,” she responded. “But I never know how to do it in a way that doesn’t make me feel as though I’m being full of myself.”
Mike shrugged his shoulders. “Well, you’re gonna have to figure it out,” he said. We all turned back to our food, and I turned back to Danica Patrick, half expecting her to say something profound and somewhat horoscopic to help the situation at hand. Sadly, albeit predictably, she couldn’t give us the guidance we needed.
So what, then? Mike was right–in a professional services firm, or in any setting where differentiation is key, a person needs to be able to tactfully outline their strengths. How do you do that when modesty is touted (there’s that word again) as a virtue and self-promotion is equated with bragging?
The question is: how do you overcome your discomfort to extol your accomplishments?
One thing to keep in mind: the people that you are talking to haven’t necessarily worked with you before. The idea in telling them your strengths is to give them a sense of the work you’re capable of–something that someone who has had the luxury of working with you would have naturally picked up upon. This is your chance to make someone aware of what you do well that they would see themselves if they had the opportunity. Frame it mentally as such, and it will seem less like bragging and more as though you’re providing them insight into your work habits and accomplishments.
If you continue with that theme, have your coworkers tell you what they believe your workplace strengths to be. Ask them to tell you what they believe your accomplishments are, and ask them to sound off on how you tend to handle crises, difficult projects, and things of that nature. Having a good sense of how you come off to your coworkers will give you a better idea of the things you do well. They may point out impressive things you’ve done that you thought were rather trivial; essentially, they can provide you the second-hand insight that you need to get a good grasp on yourself. If you’re uncomfortable about talking about yourself, have someone else do it first.
Not everyone gets the opportunity to see how you work. Thinking of self promotion as a way of alerting people to your work styles and accomplishments may help mitigate feelings of self consciousness. And remember–it’s not bragging if you’re telling the truth.
So…how’d I do? I think it was great. I really am a fantastic writer. Fantastic. Ask me about what else I do well.
To our readers: how do you get over feeling self-conscious about self-promotion?
Let’s (Not) Get Physical: Getting What We Want, With Tact
Posted by: | CommentsA few months ago I returned from a trip to New York to visit several wonderful people I hadn’t seen in too long a time. For some masochistic reason I booked my return flight to Chicago for 10:30 in the morning, meaning after the equivalent of a three hour nap I was in a car to the airport at 7AM. Luckily, my driver was amiably chatty, allowing me to forget about how much my body resented me. We spoke briefly about the weather and traffic and such until he launched into a story about a previous client…who had smacked him in the face while being chauffeured to the airport.
She had scheduled a 4:30PM taxi for an 8:30 flight. Normally, this would be standard; on this particular weekend, however, Obama was in town. My driver explained to me that he tried to convince her to move the ride back with the knowledge that there would be almost standstill bumper-to-bumper traffic for hours. She insisted that she had plenty of time. But as the hours in the car ticked by, her nerves rose, and she began swearing at both Lufthansa and my driver simultaneously. Between a slew of four-letter words and “racial slurs [he] hadn’t even heard before” she finally just reeled back and left a five-fingered representation of her rage on my driver’s cheek.
He obviously wasn’t going to retaliate, and she didn’t say a word for the remaining hour, nor did she ever call the service again (after being a regular customer for a year). I was appalled. I tipped him well. He thanked me for my generosity, my sense of humor after so little sleep, and for tipping rather than slapping.
I wrote about the millennial generation’s tendency towards entitlement in a previous blog. When we want what we want, we tend to believe we deserve it. But this was the first time I had heard first hand about someone becoming violent about not getting what they believed they deserved. It wouldn’t be my last; just a few days later, I read a rousing story about a woman who attacked a drive through worker for refusing to serve her chicken nuggets during breakfast hours. Highly processed meat chunks and customer service are high up on my list of expectations too, but I doubt I would hurt anyone over their failure to be delivered. Some people just have a hard time asking for what they expect in a graceful manner.
So what do we do? Do we just deem our expectations too lofty and then abandon them? No. There are ways to get what you want without ending up on America’s Most Wanted. It’s important to stand behind your standards, but not in a way that rivals Mohammed Ali. There’s a reason the adage “do unto others” has received such creedence; do you want to be smacked after someone fails to listen to your advice and then STILL feels like they haven’t been properly served?
The question is: how do we ask for what we deserve without being rude? How do we tactfully protect our life, liberty, and pursuit of chicken nuggets?
Most of us, interestingly enough, are conditioned to believe that the things we want don’t come easily. As such, we believe that getting these things–customer service, lunch for breakfast–will involve a struggle of sorts. There always remains the possibility that we may be denied what we want, which makes us reluctant to ask for it in the first place. The first hurdle is simplification. Sometimes all it takes is asking politely for that which you believe you deserve. Sometimes what we want is right within our reach, but we don’t reach out for fear of backlash or denial. So ask. Expecting that trying to get what we want will be more difficult than it actually is may make us more likely to act more irrationally at the outset.
But remember your manners. If you get turned down, lashing out only justifies the denial, and you forfeit any chance that they might reconsider your request. Furthermore, if you handle the situation poorly, you will have a less likely chance of success if you are ever to ask something of that individual in the future. And on a macro level, your reputation is up for question. Do you want to be considered the individual that throws a temper tantrum when you don’t get your way? Your actions will follow you both within your organization and outside if you are ever to switch career paths. Consider that the next time you’re upset because you haven’t received what you want. How will you react?
Understand that the hardest part in receiving what you want is learning to ask for it, and learning not to expect the asking process to be difficult at the outset. Most of all, remember you’re an adult. Behave like one. Be polite and gracious, and if you have to throw a tantrum, do it in the privacy of your own home.
Obama was actually in Chicago recently and having learned my lesson, I had the sense to take the el. No amount of harassing a bus driver would un-shut down Lake Shore Drive.
To our readers: how do you get what you want, gracefully?
